7 things that break down friendships

Hello Rafikis!
“You alright”, before I understood it was a form of greeting, I thought it was the most passive aggressive thing ever. I felt like someone assuming that I was alright was uncaring. I felt that conversation needed to have more depth, I’d much rather prefer hey or hey how are you? because you alright gives the false impression that one cares but they really don’t.

I have however now come to learn that it’s just a normal greeting in England, you know things are different everywhere and we often just have to adjust.

Thanks for talking to me. I love that we can bond, I love that I can connect with strangers, friends and family over something I am so passionate about. I seem to be quite in touch with my emotions today, watching Being Mary Jane has me feeling some kind of way. It is actually the only TV show that I really connect to.
I have had a lot of time to myself  over the past few months, I have been on my own not just single but away from friends and family.
I was blessed with an amazing opportunity to stay behind over the summer and intern with the head of law school as a research assistant and so here I am in Canterbury whilst everyone else is away.

Do not get me wrong I love being alone, there’s a big difference between being alone and being lonely.  I am not lonely lest anyone makes any such assumption. I actually enjoy my own company in fact too much sometimes. Master-dating and solitude are pure joy to me.

Master-dating- the act of taking yourself on dates on your own.

I have been really busy, I have been working a full time job and research assistant internship almost 10 hours a day, 6 days a week. Although I still have time for reflection.

You know those two or so hours when you just lay on your bed and reflect, my single people can understand.  People in relationships who cannot relate that is the time you usually spend with  your loved one on the phone talking about your days.
Seeing as I am currently not romantically involved with anyone, I have more time to think of the other platonic relationships in my life. Particularly, I think of my friendships.

How many friends do I have? Like 3.

Do I have an army? I am unsure.

Do I have confidants? Like 3.

Did I cut off all the friendships that mattered to me? It seems like it.

Have I been a good friend? Probably not.

See I realized that I only had many “friends” because we were together at the same place at the same time. I have dropped friends like flies since joining university abroad. You see what they don’t warn you about growing up is that people change .

People come into your life for a reason, season or a  life time- Unknown

For my 21st birthday I’d like to treat myself to a girls trip but I don’t have any girls to go with and it’s sad! Below are things that I think that generally strain friendships.

1.Life happens.

Growing up I had two bestfriends and together we were inseparable.  In a heart beat I would tell you that either one of them would be my best maid at my wedding. Then  life happened, we grew up and ended up in three different continents.  I still have a lot of love for them but I haven’t seen any of them in more than half a year. If you asked me about what’s really going on in their lives I wouldn’t have a clue. No hard feelings, life just happened!

2. Romantic relationships challenge friendships.

We all know those boys and girls that cut off their friends as soon as they get new partners. It’s like new bae, new life! I totally understand that there a friendships that can be toxic for your relationships but at the same time  I do not think it is right to ditch your friends. Remember relationships can come go but some friendships are forever. I know it’s easier said than done, the sauce can be too sweet. I too have been guilty of this.

3. Emotions destroy friendships.

I have lost decent friends to the  friend zone.  It is difficult to build a strong friendship with a person of the opposite sex (if that is your cup of tea) because feelings are likely to be caught.  Once you begin to be attracted to your friend, it’s a trap. I really wish I had a guy best friend but that doesn’t ever seem to really work out for me. Shout out to Lydia Dinga and E for pulling it off! As for me and my experiences feels get caught! I will explore this further in a future blog.

4. Jealousy ruins friendships!

This is particularly common amongst girlfriends, it’s like some women come out of the womb jealous. Your friend starts a business, you can never support! They start a blog, you can never share until you need them to do the same! They get into a relationship and you make it your mission to break them up! We all receive our blessings at different times and  until we realize that there is enough success to go around, so many friendships are going to go down the drain.

5. Communication Breakdown.

Just like romantic relationships I believe communication is important in friendships. I personally have lost friends because I remained silent when I felt the other party was negatively affecting me. Eventually everything blew up and our friendship  broke beyond repair. If someone hurts you tell them! When someone does something good for you , thank them! Use your words!


6. Gossip.

Chances are high that if someone can sit down with you and bad mouth someone else, they are badmouthing you to someone else. If a friendship is based purely on negative vibes it will crumble because it lacks a solid foundation. If you find that all you and your ‘friends’ do is gossip you should check your life. I was guilty of this in high school but now I have learned. I would rather spend time discussing future plans and how we can support each other than gossiping about the next person.

7.Big Mouths.

They are people who are like megaphones, they are always the first people to know what is going on in people’s lives. 8/10 times, they are updated about negative events in peoples lives. They announce  peoples bad experiences to everyone willing to listen. You wonder how they manage to know everyone’s business. “You know so and so’s parents did this…” , ” you know so and so is repeating”. Thanks for appointing yourself as CNN but no one asked you. I warn you against such people. If some one can share sensitive information about someone else to you, they can do the same about you behind your back. Don’t trust blindly!

Please comment and share your experiences with friends. Have you experienced any of the things I have mentioned above? Have I left out anything important? I am so eager to here back from you.

Until next time. Rafikis




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