DISCIPLINE

STORY TIME!

For all of you who watch YouTube videos , you know how Youtubers exaggarate on their story time. They add both sauce and mayo to the truth.

Well today  i’m going to tell you about the time when a WOMAN THREATENED TO SHOOT ME IN HIGH SCHOOL! Keep reading if you want to  find out more about that drama!

We are brought up to fear/ respect authority. Yes chances are that if you are an African or even just a black child 9/10 times your parents brought you up to respect your elders. No reason is given as to why you need to respect them other than the fact that they are older than you.

It was recently Mother’s Day and I got a flower(as a mother to be)  Amen!


Find yourself a church that preaches good vibes into existence. I mean I’m so excited to be a mom,I love babies and kids so much.  Don’t worry  mum and dad I hope to go about it in the right way and at the right time. You knew when I’ve settled down and can afford to raise some kids both financially and emotionally, so I can afford to buy my baby Gucci.

I digress though ,The other day I was watching a YouTube channel (Beleaf in Fatherhood), islit on YouTube! Who still watches actual T.V tbh fictional series give make me to nervous so I prefer reality shows.

I digress again, so on the episode of Beleaf , the parents were discussing the effects of spanking children. Spare the rod and spoil the child! I know I will probably chapa my kids too especially if they turn out naughty, which from my taste in men is higly probable. ( hides face)

But if we are being completly honest sometimes the discipline measures taken by our parents taught us fear! Like instead of beating us , sometimes they should have tried to reason with us instead.  This is not to say we were brought up badly infact most of us turned out to the most responsible.  But the truth is a command and control relationship was often instilled within us. We were never raised to talk to our parents at the same level as young children. We were never allowed to speak where adults were speaking, or talk back when we were being scolded. We were never given the chance to air our views and opinions!

DISCLAIMER , I WAS CHAPAD VERY RARELY (almost never actually before my sibing take digs at me as they were chapad more than me, that’s if they even read my blog)

So we grow up fearing our elders, I remember an incident once in my high school where a girls mother threatened to shoot me for apparently bullying her daughter. So this woman walked into the school bus, called me and two other kids  and we were taken into an office. Also present was three other teachers and the womans toddler. The woman then began to scold us then she said it ‘I will shoot you! and then repeated it ‘I will get a gun and shoot you’! Yes all this was in the presence of teachers who stood there like mumus and did nothing to protect us! Yet our parents had left us in their care ( can you tell i’m still  slightly bitter lol!) Anyway the teachers and I are cool now they’ll even probably call me back to motivate the kids.

Unfortunately at the time my response to the wicked woman was weak, I just froze and cried because I was taught fear. Looking back in hindsight I wish I stood up for myself and shamed her for her actions! Instead I whined , cried and waited to get home to cry and tell my mother . Who the next day rushed to the school to deal with the matter. I remember my mum walking into the head of school’s office and threatening to sue the woman and the school. (Thanks mum for always being the real MVP).
But I did nothing, in the moment I had to shame this crazy woman and the irresponsible teachers, I did nothing! Because of fear , I feared her not only because she was a crazy woman but because she was an adult. In my feeble mind I set adults at this unrealistic pedestal. In my eyes adults were reasonable people who were to be respected because they could do no wrong in my eyes! See now that I’m an adult I realise that is rubbish! there’s no much difference between adults and children.  Adults are just children in disguise covered with experience. And crazy women like here exist btw I wonder pahali life imemfikisha now!  I wish I recorded her threats and sued her (probably her husband because I don’t believe she earned her own income) for her assault threats! I wish a ….. could try me today to face the wrath of 2/3 complete law degree lol.

I hope by this point you get the link I’m trying to draw i.e. how spanking may instill fear in kids.  Don’t get me wrong , I don’t condemn spanking but I believe sometimes it’s important to build a cordial relationship with children when they are young. It is important to try and reason with children, when they do wrong explain to them why they are wrong and why they need to be sorry. This is more likely to correct their behavoiour than just spanking them. It is also going to break this idea of adults being out of their reach and enable our children to stand up for themselves in situations where adults may attack them.

It’s easier said than done , but hopelly we shall be in touch once on the other side as parents, when I have my own chocolate babies or not. Who knows the plan God has for me, I guess we can really only wait and see.

Until next time, adios!

YOUNG LOVE

Happy New Year!

Here I am, all up in my emotions, not really, but kind of. Instead of sticking to the norm and starting off with a ‘typical new year post'(which happens to be in the works) I will talk about relationships. Not the ordinary relationship,but rather the ‘young love’ relationships.

I fell in love aged 13, dead serious I genuinely believed I would marry the boy. We met through a mutual friend once and as soon as I set my eyes on him I knew he had to be mine. Like i’m not even exaggarating here ( you know how some people say that women choose their spouse, irregardless of the man courting them. Basically you pick you a man and then attract him towards to you) I choose him.

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So we got talking and eventually, he developed feelings for me and made me his girl. I was super gassed!  There I was madly in love in a long distance relationship.  I’d even make my friends take me on missions to watch him play soccer (shout out to the real ones- story for another day). Ngl those were the happiest days of my life. Those were the deepest emotions I ever felt.

I’ll never forget my first date , ‘our first date’, we went to the cinema with his elder cousin and his girlfriend, it’s even nostalgic to think about. Your girl was so whipped Ieven changed her facebook name to his surname. (Such a stupid idea, because eventually after we broke up, I had to delete that account because my name wouldn’t change back).  I guess that was just a relationship starter pack back then. Guys I was literally so whipped to point that when he travelled for a football trip and brought be back the UGLIEST slippers ever! I still cherished them for years and got upset when people insulted them. My mother and sister can attest to how distateful those things were (yes guys, I can finally admit those slippers were hideous).Kids listen to your parents, 8 out of 10 times they know best.

As expected the love turned bitter as we were too young to handle such emotions. Unfortunately, I began to base my self worth on him and rely on compliments to value myself. I remember needing him to approve every picture I uploaded to my mobile uploads (shout out to my almost late 90s babies). This is a big deal guys, because I was one of the most confident kids you could ever meet, like my self esteem was so high, i’d take dreadful pictures and feel like the flyest ting. I remember getting so upset when other girls tagged him in pictures, the height of it though was when he wrote on another girls wall that she he was his wife. That was the deal breaker for me!  Long story short, we fell out of love and he turned into a monster ( no offence, we are actually good friends these days, shout out to my ex )

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I was distraught, heartbroken and heavy hearted. I cried and cried and cried till I could cry no. I had no more tears left to spare on the boy, something in me sparked (because I am a smart girl and know that at the end of the day I need no man to survive, Independent women say eeh) and I got over him one evening. I have never looked back since that fateful day. With that said, he is a good guy and we still talk purely as friends though.

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See God, He elevated me to greater heights, the mandem I surround myself around these days are peng. Moral of the story is that I wish I waited until I was much older to fall in love because young love has the power to mess you up even in your adulthood.  Trust me! I’ve seen people close to me unable to move on even 10 years later. After having conversations with such people (love young peeps) our consensus is that young love tings affect you in the long run. Chill till your mature enough to really love your self before you share that love  with someone else.  With that said, Do You, Live life and make some mistakes for yourself because at the end of the day experience is the best teacher.

Please do share your ‘young love’ experiences with me. When do you think it’s the right time to fall in love? To me it seems like your always too young for love until suddenly you be come too old to be alone. It’s like your instatly expected to find a osband at the age of 26. Please tell me if there is a supermarket where we can buy osbands so I can start saving? BANTER , I’m content with my current situation in life.  But please tell me so that I can share with people I may know who’ve gotten to phase 4 and are deeply searching. Seriously though that’s all banter, it’s alright to be single too. I think the pressure put on especially African women to find osbands is unrealistic, can we just let things fall into place naturally? Please always remember that

‘Feeling loved is the best feeling, but the most precious feeling is to love yourself’- wise words stoled from Lesley’s instagram caption.

Really though when is the approprioate time to find love?

 

Nyarkagan achiel kende!

 

 

 

 

 

Identity Crisis- Part 1

Hey there, I know, I know its been a minute since I last wrote but I’m back now.

Many of you might know that last September I left the comfort of my fathers home to pursue my higher education in the United Kingdom. Previously, I had not be exposed to such a multicultural atmosphere, my high school was international but only had students from different African Country. However diverse Africa is  we still have so much in common as we share a bond. Therefore you can understand how going to an International University was different for me.

For once I felt it was necessary for me to identify who I was and where I was from. I watched the Chinese who somehow always managed to have access to their food and the Nigerians with their ability to convert their British accents to Nigerian accents when necessary. I was envious of these people as they managed to retain their culture in the western world. I thought of my fellow Kenyans who craved so eagerly to adopt the culture of the west that is with the exception of the Maasai. Whenever anyone asked me about Kenyan culture the only thing I could tell them about was the Maasai and yet Kenya has more than 45 tribes. Crazy huh!

I felt lost, for once I wish I listened to parents and visited the village more often, for once I wished I knew more about my history. I wish I knew more about my country, I wished I knew more about the Kamba tribe , the Samburu tribe and even the Suba tribe. I wished I knew more about Kenya.

My ID states that my name is Kylie Achieng Ochuodho and that I’m from Kagan but yet I was born in Nairobi Hospital and raised in Nai.

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What did it mean to be Kenyan? Can I actually call myself considering the history my ancestors had colonialists. In this series I wish to lead you through my Tedx talk experience. I hope you enjoy it, if you get to bored or are simply in a rush you can watch the talk directly.

Love, Peace , Ubuntu

NyarKagan

I’ve got on a crush on you ❤️

Crush
NOUN
A brief but intense infatuation for someone, especially someone unattainable.

Hey there fam, how have you been?

How may of you have ever had a crush before?

Have you ever imagined or created a false relationship with someone who probably does not recognise your existence or even worse is so oblivious to the “feelings” you have for them.
So I used to think ‘crushes’ were such a middle school thing to have. In fact, the last time I had a crush on someone I was 12 that is until recently. I guess the older we get crushes turn into ‘infatuation’ and lust. If you still do not register what I’m saying.

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Have you ever looked at a man and found him so attractive that he leaves you tongue tied? Then after the encounter all you can think about is that person and so you go home and stalk all their Instagram pictures (shout out to that buff guy at Venue).

Trey-Songz

This type of crush is based purely on physical attraction.

Then there’s the other type where the story almost always begins like ‘Guess who smiled at me today’ or ‘Can you believe who held the door for me today’, then your friends interpret it as he likes you. They water the ridiculous idea planted in your mind that revolves around a set future for you and that person. In case you are still not catching my drift let me break it down to you slowly.
This is where you confuse kindness or a person being friendly for more than it is, yes gentlemen it possible for you to smile at a girl and have her belief that you want a future with her. I blame society for that, because most of our young men have been polluted to the extent that it is hard for a girl to recognise kindness and distinguish it from a more than friends type of interest.

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I began to recognise this common trend amongst females, we are so hung up on the idea of having a special relationship with someone that we decontextualise our thoughts from reality. We develop this fantasy in our minds of what will come to be, how it will come to be and even what it is. The problem with fantasy is that they are not of real life and so we end up breaking our own hearts.

How can you possibly build a relationship with someone who does not recognise your existence or even worse acknowledge the feelings you may towards them. Interestingly, at the back of our minds we recognise that our fantasies are make belief but somehow still continue to pursue these crushes.
Let me know what you think about crushes? and any experiences that you may have had?
As for me, I find them destructive, the only make belief I want to experience are my dreams and aspirations not the idea of being with another person.
To the person I once had a crush on, it’s been real.

My Journey into Womanhood – Relationships

Dec 28, 2015, 11:54 AM
From Me
Guten Tag!
I hope you are all enjoying the festive season,I am. I will begin with a disclaimer;  it may seem that I share TMI (too much information) on my posts.  However, if in doing so I inspire one little girl or boy, I will continue to do so.
My birthday was a few weeks ago and it hit me that, I am old. I am almost 20, oh gosh where did the time go! It’s just the other day I turned 14, I don’t understand how my parents are dealing with this, yani baby Kylie is almost 20!
I guess I just have to slowly surrender the days of my youth and embrace life as it comes. As an African girl, it’s gotten to the stage in my life where it is considered appropriate for me to start searching for the one. It is assumed that you are meant to find your spouse in University or as the Generation Y would phrase it ‘time to find bae’. You know the drill ‘school, university, boyfriend, graduate, employment, marriage, kids’.  As Chimamanda Adichie says ‘we teach girls to aspire to marriage and to compete with other women for the attention of men’. I’m sorry not sorry for being ‘feminist’ but the pressure the African society sets on young women is unrealistic. It is the reason why they end up with rogues or being the ‘dreaded’ single 40 year old woman.
The unspoken rule dictates that for a woman to be happy she must have a man. It’s devastating that a woman will stay with an abusive man. Our grandmothers were treated like Queens and here you are allowing him to treat you like rubbish. We need to get fed up of crappy relationships and situationships as we are with poor governance. We need to learn how to love and value ourselves once again.

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Gentle men, I know you pretend that chivalry is dead but I know  you have it in you, why wait till your 30 to start treating women right. Jacob waited seven years for Rachel, to him it felt like days because of the love he had for her.

I am blessed because my parents guide me correctly. Some of the best advice I ever received from my mum and best friends mum (Mama Amy) is date and socialize with different guys, date a musician, a doctor (no Djs please, jokes) and a church boy. How can you marry the first guy you date in this day and age?(Sorry not sorry if you thought you were the only one). Go gp karting, go for ice cream, go to the cinema, hike, do things you can’t do when you’re older, only entertain productive relationships when you have earned each other’s worth. It’s not a race to find love; you have marriage to spend the rest of your life with one person.

Spend time alone, it is important to learn yourself, write down your goals and dreams, and make sure that you’re offering the best version of yourself to the one. The ‘one’ isn’t out there for everyone, but if she/he is let them find you. Invest the energy spent on finding love in building lifelong friendships, girls nowadays are too much. Instead of being jealous of your fellow Queen for finding her match or obsessing about the one, go out with friends, enjoy your youth. Vunja mfupa kama bado meno iko – Swahili proverb (break your bones, whilst you still have teeth).

My journey into Womanhood- Part 1

I apologise for my silence but amidst my transition I sometimes get overwhelmed.

To all my new readers, karibuni (welcome in kiswahili) into my thoughts, in my posts I share what my mouth is afraid to speak.

Looking back into my childhood, I remember the moment I realised I was different from the boys, I remember learning that girls had a dudu and boys had a chuchu. I remember my mum reminding every sabbath when I went for children story at church to sit properly so as not to expose my knickers to the world.

I started my period at fairly young age (I cried so much) and hated it! However, I remember playing the period card to miss swimming class or even just to be allowed to leave class. (tihihi) I remember feeling like I needed to be discreet about my periods, I needed to hide my pads  and the fact that I had cramps from the boys (why though!).

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My Tomboy days

 

Then my body began to physically change, my hips grew wider, my breasts began to grow and my bottom enlarged. I was so excited to wear a bra that I even got my mum to buy me those kid bras (I was finally a woman or so I thought). I began to get attention from boys (so exciting) lol, but even still I was shy. I had spent so much time with my brother that I began to walk like him (you know, that lame bounce guys had back in the day). I slouched my shoulders and wore sweaters in the heat as I wasn’t embracing the changes I was going through.

 

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Back when I was Stupid in love, hehe I might share that story another day

 

 

My mother and big sister were not having it all, my mum even once threatened to put a basket on my head as I walked so that I could walk straight. My sister would make sure I shaved, hehe she didn’t want me to walk around like I was carrying a cat under my arms. ( I appreciate it fam! you saved me a lot of shame). My dad played the biggest role, he complimented me daily and told me I was beautiful and for that I never needed a guy’s reaffirmation. Thanks to them, I was a very confident teenager, maybe even overconfident.

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Cross your legs, head up and strut your way across your room!

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“Keep your chin up Queen, don’t let your crown fall”- Tumblr

 

 

Life as an International student: Nights out

Last night I got hit on by a non coloured guy, and it made me happier than  it should have. I felt prettier and more confident than I did than when the non coloured guys hit on me and I hate that. I am ashamed of myself because in my mind I lived up to the stereotype.

Don’t except us coloured girls to drop our panties any time you white boys pay as compliments”- Tumblr.

I should be able to feel beautiful on my own without his comments or anyone’s for that matter. Don’t get me wrong I’m not trying to backlash anyone all I’m trying to say is that as a coloured girl I sometimes feel the need to work to try attract some of these non coloured guys. It is all about self-love, I know the moment I fully appreciate myself then no one will be able to make me second guess it. Sometimes I almost forget that I’m as fine as it gets. 🙂

Ps I got to watch Omarion live 🙂

MAGNIFIED

In the light of Society v Victim which addressed some problems with rape culture, I knew I needed to dig deeper, looker closer and even view the situation from a different perspective, to fully understand the situation. A study by Campbell et al 2001 showed that out of 741 rapists 35% of the male rapists were victims of sexual abuse. This is number is just too large for me to accept, this cycle must be abolished.

I hope that you gain something from the read, it’s kinder long but hang in there till the end. The story is inspired by my surroundings hence the references to my village.

Otieno – born at night

People believed that Otieno lived up to his name because he was dark, Parents reprimanded their children for even daring to think about Otieno. “Otieno is such a naughty boy” they would say.  Otieno would steal, cheat and lure girls and then deceive them with his charm. He was a “bad boy”.

His life experiences were often ignored by many, people choose to see the bad rather than the good in him. Many failed to see the beauty that the darkness in him held, he was creative and intelligent,he was going places. It’s just that his dreams were crashed at a young age. Otieno disfigured his destiny in trying to impress his father, he worked so hard trying to get his father to love him but it was all in vain. Mzee paid little attention to Otieno, Otieno thought if he couldn’t his father’s attention by being nice then he would try to do it by being naughty. He watched his father the late Mzee Otieno abuse his mother, because he believed that Otieno was not his product.It was instilled him at an early age that he did not have to respect women as they were his inferior.

His misery began when he was just a little boy he was abused, sexually, the incident broke him. At the time, such incidents were perceived as taboos and therefore no action was taken upon the matter.

It was no surprise that Otieno became an addict in his adult life, Freud’s psychoanalytic theory would suggest that, his Id battled his Ego in attempts to deal with the experience.  The battle was not one the Id could win and in order to defend him , the anxiety from the experience was displaced into Alcohol and women abuse. Eventually Otieno ran away to the city where he managed to slip in jobs at a Mjengo once in a while. Therefore, when it was time for Achieng to go to Pilot school, Otieno was more than willing to cater to his niece, because he too was charmed by her. Unfortunately he was so charmed by her that one day he just went ahead and  did it.

On the fateful day of  2nd September, Mama and Papa welcomed into the village a bouncing baby girl,  and they decided to name her Achieng.

Achieng- born when the sun shines

The village had never seen such  a beautiful child before, In fact many doubted that she was a product of Mama and Papa because of the way her eyes sparkled in the sun and her melanin complimented the earth. She was beautiful not just to the eyes but to the heart, not just in appearance but in spirit, whenever there was conflict, her presence would simply resolve it.

Achieng and her family didn’t have material wealth, they only had 3 miserable cows and a donkey to their name. Papa was an aspiring business man who spent all his time working hard in order to ensure that his family would have enough to make ends meet. His career demanded long working hours and therefore he spent a lot of his time away from his family. This was not a problem for Achieng and her siblings because they knew that their Papa loved them.

Mama on the other hand wanted to become a singer. When Papa would leave for work, she too would head to the local bar where she would perform Ohangla songs and dance to Kanungo, she paid little regard to her children. Mama knew if she had not been forced to marry Papa, she would have been an Ohangla super star.

Achieng’s charm was so strong that even the people that envied her couldn’t not bear to hate her. She was a dreamer, she wanted to become a pilot. She loved the idea of being able to work in the sky and travel the world. She knew that there were many places and faces that she needed to visit and see. In the core of her soul she knew that she was destined for greatness.

Achieng then graduated from  Kodera Secondary school and gained admission to flying or at least she thought that was the plan. Papa went out of his way to raise funds for her to travel to Nairobi, where she would be received by her uncle Otieno. Otieno was Papa’s brother and even though Otieno was not trusted by many, Papa believed that his daughter was in safe hands. But was she really?

Of course we must blame the rapist because rape is a choice but then we must also shift the approach society takes towards victims if we wish to eradicate rape.

Metarmorphosis

Metamorphosis – The process of transformation from an immature form to an adult form in two or more distinct stages.

As a child,I remember watching teletubbies, pram racing (if my memory does not deceive me, I was in the pram as my brother pushed it), mattress surfing on the stairs with my brother (mum I’m sorry) and wanting to go everywhere my  mother went. I don’t recall being beaten much but for my brother it was the norm. Recently, I had a conversation with some friends about discipline and there stories were way more drastic and hilarious than my own, but what was constant in our stories was that our parents would act like nothing had happened after (good old days).

To the people that have asked me why I am always doing exams or why I am always finishing school.(begins rant) Kindly stop being so ignorant and educate yourself , take advantage of the technology we are exposed to and Google IGCSE and A level, if you still cant comprehend it then I will be more than happy to explain it to you (ends rant).

Anyway, I am now at a point in my life where I am about to go through this big transition and I am so excited although, as expected the idea of change also breeds apprehension. I don’t know the plans that GOD has in store for me but I feel like it is something great.

I remember being read to the story book “The Very Hungry Caterpillar” by Eric Carle at my dad’s computer camp. It introduced me to the metamorphosis of the butterfly at an early age. The butterfly cycle involves a transition from egg to larva to pupa then adult.

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I found the book so intriguing because in the end the caterpillars that I hated so much broke their cocoons and turned into beautiful butterflies that I loved so much. I now apply this scientific concept to my life, every challenging transition will be beautiful in the end. To anyone in transition at whichever stage of the cycle, remember that in the end the challenge will be worth it.

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“The Only thing constant in life is Change”-  Heraclitus

Tale time

Good morning, beautiful people,

Today I seem to be undergoing the writer’s block,but I promise to push through it and get this blog done. My mind is cluttered but I will try and clear it up.

STORY,STORY!

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STORY COME

It is Tale time.

I met a girl who has fallen deeply and madly in love in her head, I will call her Uma. Uma believes (of course in her mind) that her and Ogwo are ment to be together, that they will one day get married and have children together (pardon the literature references). Uma is treating Ogwo like a king, she is washing his clothes,cooking for him, trying to get closer to his family, she has promoted him to CEO without him qualifying for the job or even worse without him wanting the job. Uma gets upset when Ogwo talk to other women, she feels intimidated by the women around her because in her head they are all prettier than her. Unfortunately for her, this is all a fantasty, Ogwo is a handsome, well built gentleman who happens not to be aware of the plans that Uma has for him. He quickly dismisses any of the advances she makes because in his mind and in reality the two of them are just friends. Uma will not give up because she madly loves Ogwo , she will even visit the witch doctor in attempts to gain his love. (Of course I have exaggerated the story a bit to make it more interesting but I hope you get the point)

Whether you are or have been Uma or Ogwo, where do you draw the line?  When do you distinguish a “crush” from “psychotic behaviour”.

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If you are Uma, Please, I beg of you you save your self the embarrassment and let it go, the same way you can take a donkey to the river, but can’t force it to drink water is the same way you cannot force a man or woman to love you. There are 7 billion other people in the world, there’s no need to go crazy over one.

If you are Ogwo, please protect yourself because you may be dealing with a psycho. Draw the line early, if you don’t like the person tell them, make it clear because leading them on only makes the situation worse.

Hope you enjoyed my first attempt on short tales, If you like it I will continue to write more.